If I wanted to be honest and really tell you how I feel when I think of 2019 I would say it was shit.  2019 was the year I lost my Grandpa, the year my husband walked out on me, and the year I felt more alone than I possibly ever have.

Losing my Grandpa was so incredibly hard.  He was my hero, the person I looked up to for everything. I would ring him every Friday night, we would talk rubbish, put the world to rights and he would tell me “you don’t want to be on response forever, you want to be on CID don’t you”.  Talk about a rhetorical question! I miss him every day, but in the same breath I’m so glad he’s not had to witness the majority of what 2019 threw my way.

I actually wrote a blog back in September to help me deal with point 2 above, I’ve never published it, but I’ve said it before that writing things down really does help. I’m a massive advocate of that. I came home one day and I no longer had a home. I moved into my friend’s house and within 2 weeks had started renting somewhere else. I know he is in a new relationship but he’s never had the decency to tell me the truth. “Just be honest” I used to plead. It got me nowhere.

It’s easy to focus on the negatives, after all, they controlled such a huge part of the year, and they literally changed my life. I felt like I had gone back 10 years, got very drunk and was stood on my head. I genuinely had absolutely no idea how to move forward.

It’s been an incredibly hard year for Policing too.  We have seen some really serious assaults on our colleagues, and the death of PC Harper. We have seen the stress of colleagues and friends as they’re always in early, off late, and still not making headway.  We hear the phrase “I have 9 outstanding immediate calls and nobody to send” more times than we would ever want the public to hear.  We’ve disappointed victims on more occasions than I wish to remember, had cases dealt with atrociously (in my opinion) at Court, and felt like we have been banging our heads on the metaphorical brick wall.

But it is so important to try and remember the positives. I can say that, because I am so bad at doing it! But without the positives we would drive ourselves insane.

In 2019 I set up a brand new home by myself.  I have rekindled old friendships and made some fantastic new ones. I have sent people to prison for approximately 30 years in total. I have progressed my career and have plans in place for 2020. I have worked some ridiculously long hours, but got some amazing results because of it.

You really do have to take a minute and think of the good. I bet every single one of you can think of one good thing 2019 had to offer.  Be it a holiday with a best friend, a coffee with an old friend, or a night in cuddled up on the sofa, you will all have something and that memory will make you smile.

Memories are an excuse to remember the good times.  Sod the bad ones, in the long run they only make us stronger.  They certainly do break us at the time, but we come back fighting and we come back stronger, we always do.

Here’s to a Happy and Healthy 2020 to all of you.  Thank you for your continued support, we couldn’t do what we do without you.


One thought on “2019.”

  1. Have just come across your blog and understand its value. We all need a release and writing allows the mind to process, pause and reflect. Anyway, wanted to say, as we’re now in the 3rd real week of January 2020, Happy New Year. You do a fantastic, valuable and necessary job that is valued! Keep smiling and thanks again.


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