“I’m going to caution you through the drive through”

It wouldn’t be fair to paint a picture that Policing is all doom and gloom, hard and tiring.

On one chilly night shift, it was far more about hilarity than anything else!

We all (when I say all I mean about 5 of us) rolled into our 10pm briefing, plying ourselves with caffeine before the first Grade 1. There’s bound to be a classy handover from lates which one of us lucky lot will get to follow up on.

I get crewed with my “work bestie”. Happy days! A night shift always goes faster with some Haribo and silly conversations.

About 11pm we thought we best head out. We were full on caffeine and caught up on paperwork, so let’s go and see what trouble we can cause hey?!

The conversation went something along the lines of this:-

“So..what kind of job do we want tonight?!”

“Something fun. Not too much paperwork but catching the baddie would be good. Not a fight though!” (That is a story for another day)

“Oooh like a decent burglary with offender on scene?”

“Sounds good to me!”

And off we went. Radio silence for what seemed like aaaaages. To be fair anything longer than five minutes on a night shift can drag with nothing going on. But we went about town, putting the world to rights and patrolling all our hot spots.

A deployment! Wahoo! An alarm at KFC. Classy. Too right we called up straight away, nice cheeky blat across town to wake us up, and probably not much work at the end of it. Lovely job!

Our colleague came along too, you know, just in case. (Personally I think he was as tired/bored as us and just wanted a jolly!)

We drove round the building and it all seemed a-ok. Until we got to the drive through. The window was smashed. Goddam it. Nevermind! We sent our colleague on their way, as even though we were just two girls, we could handle a broken window and waiting for a keyholder thank you very much.

Sat in the car, literally in the drive through, we decided to be efficient (who knew!) and whipped out our laptops to start the paperwork. We had at least a criminal damage if not a burglary to write up now.

I get out of the car to go and meet the keyholder, leaving my colleague in the drivers seat, when something made me turn round.

Well crap. Someone’s in KFC! Where the bloody hell did they come from?! I assure you we had checked the building….*

Then he turned round. Bloody hell again. One of our well known drug users. Some days you could have a pleasant conversation with him, others you had to dodge the haymakers/dirty needles/all other rubbish he decided to launch in our direction.

Tonight however, he was sweeping. You really couldn’t write it. He was wearing a KFC coat and sweeping the floor! I think we both just stood and watched for a few seconds! My colleague, who genuinely does try to see the best in everyone, asked if he had a job there now. Well, I nearly lost it! Hilarious! No disrespect to our current trespasser, but I would have put my annual wage on him not having gained employment!

So there we are, arresting him on suspicion of burglary, THROUGH the drive through window, caution and everything! Luckily for us, he was so off his face he couldn’t work out how to get out, as there wasn’t a chance I was fitting through the tiny window in all my kit.

We called our colleague back…damn it…and he brought us the van.

The rest of the night involved statements and photographs and custody runs and without spelling it out, suggesting very strongly that they bin the stock he was helping himself to!

This will definitely go down in my “memorable job” list…probably as the funniest!

* It transpired he was hiding in the office on our arrival which genuinely was out of site of all the windows!

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